my own

it's nice to be alone sometimes. to wake up with filtered sunlight on your face, broken by moving shadows. it's nice to wake up and sleep back to a dreamy thought with only the pillow by your side. a love stained dreamy memory. it's nice to get up in the morning, without anyone pulling you out of bed. to step out with unbrushed and hastily tied hair. to walk along the shore, with no end in sight. just one sleepy morning step at a time. it's nice to move with your memories, to dance with each thought, to smile because knowing is better than wondering. it's nice to rest your mind. to find a moment of calm. to let the heart beat on its own. without hurt, without pride. it's nice to move at your own pace. when the concept of fast or slow does not exist. when today, not yesterday nor tomorrow, is the most beautiful day ever lived.

yesterday

...i woke up early and saw the sunrise paint the sky with golden pink clouds. it was the last day of our yoga retreat and we were starting the day with a walking meditation. while we took slow steps and walked our way to the beach, the early morning sunlight got caught in my hair. rainbows of all colors danced on each strand and for a few seconds of eternity, my hair was exactly how i wanted it as a child - strawberry blond, like Nancy Drew's.

i remember my family having a Volkswagen when i was a child. i remember sitting in the passenger seat, a big scarf wrapped around my head and huge dark sunglasses covering my face. i remember sitting in the Shiny Green Beetle parked in our garage, waiting for my mom to find me. finally she came and the minute she saw me said "nikki, what are you doing?". i remember feeling so disappointed and thinking didn't Nancy Drew hide herself perfectly well in this disguise? stunned, i refused to move thinking she might Realize that it wasn't me after all. i stared straight out the windshield until she called me again. so i turned and asked "did you recognize me Mama? did you Know it was me?" she laughed the way mothers laugh at their silly daughters and said "Of course I knew it was you"

i guess i spent my younger days hiding behind sunglasses, writing poetry neatly hidden in my countless journals, letting chances pass me by, storing bottled feelings inside like Dropping Coins in a piggy bank, one by one. what is it about masks and disguises that we find so alluring? it must be the false perception that we are more interesting creatures than our true selves. we hide for fear of being seen, for fear of being discovered who we really are behind our mask. without it, we feel naked and Vulnerable. i used to be scared of my vulnerability, often mistaking it for weakness. for how easy it is for other people to hurt us when we leave ourselves too open.

Very Easy.

but then we grow older and we realize our ignorance. how our efforts are wasted on pretending and hiding and running away from what we would eventually seek. there will always be prettier girls, stronger men, tougher athletes and more intelligent writers. but there is only one You, one I. in the end we are the person we see first thing in the morning, sleepy eyes, hair sticking out in all the wrong places, no makeup, just us. In this barenakedness, in someone's eyes we are beautiful.

funny what one remembers just by looking at hair... i'm no nancy drew alright. I am Me.

and that is so much better :)

dream of a parallel universe

why the right thing seems wrong, and the wrong thing seems right...i've spun my own web, suspended in time and space. trapped between each precious night together, each intimate night apart. a parallel universe where this stark reality is but a hazy dream. found in sunsets and shadows and in blinding daylight where truth so raw cuts blindly through this elegant complexity. where each conflicted emotion, each borrowed moment, each enduring imperfection beats behind a single passionate intention -

to make us feel.

today

today i saw twilight came and watched as the stars faded into the morning light.

today i felt the cold air against my face while the sun rose slowly spreading himself to the world.

today i left with sadness while you and the rest of the island were still asleep.

today i'm counting even faster, counting days till i breathe the salt-laced air that the island breathes.

today i sense a sad certainty, like a slow current that circles my knees in shallow waters.

today more than yesterday i sense..i see..i feel.

a storm brewing

i was never one to delve into half-baked matters. being the emotional person that i am, the intensity of this dream blew me off course. i lost my balance and believed what i was made to believe. but i'm better now.

though i started feeling otherwise, i know i must not take this seriously. facing the storm that continues to pour down on me is not an easy task. yet I cherish this journey knowing it comes from within. this isn't just about you after all. it's also about me. whether i was treated in the same way or not doesn't change anything. in the course of a lifetime, some things will not matter.

pale sunshine streams through my windows, casting the cobwebs that threaten to cloud my heart and mind. someday i'll look back and see this dream as a gift that flew its way into my life. maybe one day you'll see it too.

the storm signals are changing. on bad days clouds block my horizon and emotions run as wild as the river or fall heavily like rain.

but not today.

becoming

in retrospect, i'm not an ordinary girl. i disregard rules and proportions. i refuse to live in an ordinary space when the world is filled with strange and beautiful corners. i want rapture. i only believe in passion and madness and not the safe confines that constrict the soul. i want freedom from standards. i embrace sadness and bliss as much as i embrace this life.

and when days and weeks and faces become too ordinary, when the outside world becomes stifling, i escape.

wanderlust and imagination are the only constant things in my life. to wake up to a new day, a new idea, a new emotion, that to me makes life insatiable.

we travel, some of us forever, to seek other states, other lives, other souls - a.n

diary of an island girl

there is something magical about the ordinariness of things. like waking up this morning. after snoozing my alarm three times, i stepped outside in my pajamas and watched the day unfold before me. a red and yellow parachute sailed across the morning sky. a group in a sky blue boat rowed in still waters. joggers streaked across the beach. a lone man was doing yoga, raising his arms towards the sun. and in my chair, i sat under the morning light and let the soft drizzle fall down on me and my breakfast.

i'm just an ordinary girl. but if i reach out far enough, i can touch the horizon, let my fingers skim across the endless blue sea.

new year
02 january, monday

another year has passed. i look back and all yesterdays flow like a stream. i’ve had my heart broken and mended, my mind stretched to my imagination. as much as i thank God for his blessings, i am grateful for the trials and hardships that came my way. coming upon crossroads and obstacles have challenged my self-belief and brought me to where i am now. each day i wake up on this island is an affirmation of who i really am. i sleep and wake up to the sound of waves, like a seashell gently whispering in my ear. I see the ocean and think to myself - this is it, where i belong and where i have always wanted to be. like water, my pain that came with the journey is washed away when i see the infinite beauty that surrounds me. adrift in melancholy, i cannot find it in my heart to leave this island which has become my home. not just yet.

it was a year when i embarked upon a journey to self-rediscovery, a journey that goes on today as i write. i look at the girl I was before this, so lost in her sadness. my heart goes out to her until the day she steps out of the cocoon...sees herself for the very first time, discover her wings and take flight.

it's been a strange and wonderful year.


random thoughts
october

imagine life without movies. or novels filled with stories of passion and delight. imagine falling in love without these influences. How blissful and utterly simple our lives can be. is this why we have such twisted views on love?

...backtrack
september

if it weren’t for the blazing sun and the faint wisp of cloud, the sky was perfectly cerulean. like a blank blue canvass waiting for the sunset, it is fragile in its perfection. i smile and my heart is filled with wonder because this little island is my home.

my fourth month and the thought of leaving saddens me to no end. i have removed myself from my family and walked the journey once again to independence. sometimes i find myself wishing i came to live here sooner, but i look around and see how everything falls around me perfectly. it might not have been this way if I came at another time.

sunset yoga
08 nov, tuesday

it was 5:30 in the afternoon as i watched the ball of sunshine disappear beyond the horizon. the sky still bright, i laid out my yoga mat and started breathing right. i've been away for a few days and the last couple of weeks went by so fast i hardly had time for myself. while i started doing my asanas, i could hear whispered giggles. i was surrounded by kids, imitating my every move. within minutes i had a small congregation, an impromptu yoga class.

how cute is that :)

moonbathing
18 oct, tuesday

i came home tired, my spirits battered. for the first time in months, i felt defeated. while i knew it shouldn't have mattered much (work is just work after all) i couldn't help but feel disappointed. so i turned to my biggest vice and my greatest provider of comfort - the ocean. it was full moon and the water was cold. i soaked in the moonbeam, letting the waves soothe and wash away my distress. with liam & tammy, i swam to the deeper end, hoisting ourselves up a moored sailboat, climbing repeatedly after one invigorating dive after another.

energy flowed back in. i felt rejuvenated.

i floated under her stare, thankful that this is the life i have.

birthday of an island girl
30 sept, friday

yesterday i turned 28.

tonight i celebrate my first birthday on the island :)

after the rain
13 sept, tuesday

last friday, i got my first island visit. well technically, she wasn't my first one but the first among my closest friends to have flown hundreds of miles to see me. with her i was forced to face my issues. matters which i've been running away from in hopes that eventually they'll fizzle out. like a cloud heavy with rain, all my emotions poured out until there was only sun and sky.

after the rain, i began to understand the root of my fears, my joy and my sadness.

last night we celebrated a friend's birthday in an intimate party by the beach. with kids running around, we laid out on the sand satiated with good food and good music. it's interesting how things turn out. moving to the island started out as an alternative. i never thought i'd find my peace here. i've been uncertain for so long i've forgotten how it felt to be me. how good it felt to be me.

i've taken a detour which molded me into different person. oftentimes in discovering who you do not want to be, you discover your true character. saying i have found my peace does not mean that the journey ends here. with life comes new challenges and discoveries. the journey goes on.

while the future is remains ambiguous, one thing is certain - i do not want to lose myself again.

pieces of you
08 sept, thursday

on earth there is no heaven, but there are pieces of it - jules renard

i want to own a piece of boracay. simply put, a piece of land i can always go home to.

over the years, the island has attracted and sheltered travelers from all over the world. carefree souls who've wandered far and wide, only to find their place here. and although the footprints have multiplied a million times over the last three decades, the magic of boracay isn't lost on me. i who set foot on the island seven years ago, the day after a huge tropical storm ravaged the pier and wiped the island raw. i had never seen a place so beautiful.

throughout the years, boracay had seen changes. resorts, bars and shops have sprouted like fern, as have the tourists. old timers complain how the once immaculate island had given in to commercialism, losing its charm in the process. but i beg to differ.

every day, the sun turns the sky pink before dark and the air turns to blue when it rises in the morning. at night, a blanket of stars warm those who still care to look up. as monsoon comes, the waves draw bohemian spirits to dance in the rain or feel the cold seawind on their skin. no matter what or when, the magic will never leave those who seek it.

this island is my piece of heaven, and as much as i would love to have a piece of her, i know that boracay will never be owned. but it warms my heart to know that she owns a piece of me.

5 sept, monday

the quest for ten more pounds begins today.

home is where the heart is - 03 sept, saturday

three days in manila and i couldn't wait to get away from all the ridiculous politics, insane traffic and skyless clouds. i wouldn't have gone if it weren't for my loved ones - my little brother who just left for singapore to start a new job; my cousins who used to climb up the sofa to give me all sorts of hugs (now they're taller, all grown up and in college, how time flies!); and my pseudo sisters who greeted me with news of their love lives and their teen misadventures.

after quick goodbyes and a bumpy plane ride, i'm back. no family to greet me at the airport and waiting for me instead are my grocery list, my room which needs cleaning, laundry which needs to be picked up and work to be done the next day. how oddly comforting.

before saying goodnight, i walk down to the beach and head to my favorite shack. with a glass of pineapple rum i look up and see the stars peeking through the coconut trees.

just happy to be home :)

island happiness - 30 aug, tuesday

another night at red pirates. god i love this place. just listening to the old bombom guys jamming and the sound of the waves crashing mad makes me go..you know :)

this is the island at its purest. the beach shack was filled with islanders and friends alike (no one's a stranger here) sharing freshly cooked dinner, sitting on our own piece of driftwood. never mind the cold habagat wind, it was a beautiful night. the happiness so tangible it warmed our backs the way pineapple rum does.

i open my arms wide, if only to spread some island happiness all over the world.

beached - 28 aug, sunday

aloha! my nose is sunburnt, tee-hee :)

27 aug, saturday

like the average sleepyhead, i set my alarm twice. the first is a pseudo-alarm, for when i should wake up. the 2nd is the main alarm, for when i should really wake up. so in between the two, i lounge lazily or go as far to attempt catching a few more minutes of precious sleep. this morning, the sleepyhead's universal morning rule was just broken by a spider.

let me tell you this, i have never gotten out of bed faster since i set foot on this island. though it was a medium sized spider with thread thin legs that crawled silently on my sheets, it proved to be more effective than my alarm system.

but if waking up early and breaking my day off to attend a two hour office training means sitting with my officemates in an open room overlooking the ocean on a sunny day, i'll take it anytime.

well i'm off to the beach. happy weekend everyone :)

twilight thoughts - 26 aug, thursday

i woke up to the sound of raindrops. it must have been 4 in the morning. though the rain was falling softly, the tin roof echoed each drop like a faint gong rousing me from my dream. it hasn't rained for days.

i realize i barely know anything about you. what shaped you to become the oddly fascinating person you are today. we talk about now, never about yesterday with only a few vague glimpses into your future.

i hide under my blanket to snuggle with you, a hundred miles away.

red pirates - 26 aug, friday

pineapple rum in a shack by the beach. reggae, pop rock and ballad music. a fire dance. a handful of travelers and islanders. brown and white. strange and beautiful, just the way i like it.

my peace - 24 aug, wednesday

i miss certain friends. old ones from way back. and though you're fairly new, i miss you too. when i talk about the stars or sunsets, you get it. i love that you notice when the air changes into pink or blue.

~

in a good way, i've always been burdened by the past. i refuse to let some things go, afraid that if i do, it would change my entire being. and i've always been cautious about tomorrow, careful not to divulge my hopes or speak for fear of rejection. so everyday, i cling to my past and sleep with thoughts of the future at night.

but i do believe that change is good for the soul.

as a child i tormented my mother with torn pajamas from climbing trees and picking up fights with the neighbourhood boys. come to think of it, this was probably why she ignored my pleas for karate lessons and stuffed me in ballet shoes instead. my teenage and college years revolved around competitive and adventure sports - swimming, running marathons and rowing gave me my natural high. a restless creature, i was not one to stay still. until one day, i did. i sat down on a black cushioned revolving chair and the office became my world for six exciting and tiring years.

that part of my life is over, thank God. i still swim, floating a bit more this time. i still run, no longer racing after others. it took me a long while before i could calm down and breathe normally again.

my life isn't perfect but i savor every moment - every flower that blooms unexpectedly, every rare good thing that comes along the way and every sadness brought by things that are not meant to be, all these i now embrace. not the past, not the future, but the present.

in an unexpected move, i'm now taking yoga and loving every minute. as i chant om shanti shanti...i feel peace. peace that comes with the faint scent of the ocean and the amber glow of each sunset. peace that comes from the stillness of being. peace that comes from my heart.

my banana milkshake - 22 aug, monday

melancholy came right after college, what i considered were the best years of my existence. it was my first time to leave home, live independently and make decisions which would later change the course of my life. nights were constantly filled with nostalgia. like a bad hangover, it wouldn't leave. no amount of banana milkshakes and pain reliever could cure. i found solace in old letters and snapshots which faded throughout the years. it was probably the main theme of my quarter life crisis. i poured all my energy into my new job in order to avoid the erratic episodes of misery and depression. but no matter how hard i tried, it caught up.

so i started looking for alternatives. a detour. an escape from the habitual flow of things. so once again i write...

this is why i travel...to escape from a life that family and friends see fit. to slip away from a society that tells you to have babies soon because your biological clock is tick-tocking louder and the neighbours are listening. where girlfriends greet you with looks of feigned concern when they say you should put on a few more pounds, patting your shoulders and nodding their heads sadly like they would if somebody's dog had died. perplexed why my physical state deserves an editorial, a smile is all i could offer to keep myself from screaming. why do they care how a person should look? i eat what i want & i'm damn happy to fit nicely in my bikini. i can't help but wonder, when did people start losing touch with things that really matter?

oh don't get me wrong. i love my home, stifling as it may be at times. but always inside me is a yearning that can only be pacified by the sound of the ocean, the indescribable feeling of being in a strange place, the sight of bright pink sunsets and night skies spattered with a thousand stars...

this was written 11 months ago. today i am in a place where crickets chirp endlessly at five in the afternoon. where i can experience the moonset and sunrise at the same time.

today i am here. but it wasn't an easy ride. i spent weeks each year escaping to far off places, collecting moments of discoveries and sheer pleasure. but it took me years to gather enough courage to unlock the key that kept me chained to the ground. this time raised eyebrows, discouraging protests, and wild horses couldn't keep me away.

my third month on the island and counting. it is heaven on earth and paradise with rain. it's not all magic and romance, life is also at work here. there are days when the monsoon winds prove just a bit too much and the mud unforgivable. but my pink sunsets and star filled skies come in between. and like a thorn removed, i realized i no longer have that hangover.

the island has become my banana milkshake. though we are still trying to get to know each other, i've come to call her home. i no longer feel the need to run away. now i'm just running. with the wind, sea and sky. defying my fears. defying gravity.

new sensations - 20 & 21 aug, saturday thru sunday

sunset & moonlight.

some ice cream, a mug of peppermint tea and heartwarming conversation that lingered after sunrise.

night and morning played out beautifully.

yet i am filled with sadness for the strangest reasons.

island moon - 19 aug, friday

everyone was out for the first night of the full moon, decked out on the beach, just staring at the sky. how can anything compare?

as we trudged in the sand on our way home, the moon was setting at half past five in the morning. the air turned pink as the sun rose on the other side of the island. so i guess i was wrong. something can compare after all.

17 aug, wednesday

after rounds of my special jungle juice concoction (trust me, i'm good with rum) and sweet blue shaker that had my girls laughing & crying on a wednesday night, we decided to walk along the beach on our way home. heavy-eyed at 2 am, a cry from sheila woke us up.

at 2 am, the moon was setting.

like a lone fruit in an orange grove, it slid its way slowly to the sea. empty boats rocked backed & forth, soft waves lulling them to sleep. the stars watched as i dashed to the sea, stopping in knee deep water, smiling to my friends and to myself.

this is exactly the life that i want :)

15 aug, monday

the moon hung low, casting an orange sheen to the waters beneath her. the waves were gentle, the night breeze rustling the coconut leaves shyly. i wanted to run into the sea and feel the wet sand between my toes. but it was midnight and no one near was crazy enough to run with me.

oh well :)

13 aug, saturday

sun! sea! waves! and a lot of love

12 aug, friday

as i write, a strange looking beetle hopper (a cross between a beetle & a grasshopper is what it seems) is crawling across my desk. bright green, it looks right at home beside the office pc, which by the way is covered in clear plastic to shield it from the habagat rain.

don't you just love working here? :)

11 aug, thursday

another giant unexpected gift. a most wonderful thing that left me in tears, my mouth hanging & eyes wide open. not a very pretty sight but my love hugged me anyway.

though i'm not one to wear a ring around my finger, i'm keeping it.

10 aug, wednesday

you are my yesterday
void of memories.
i head home with an infantile thought
in the palm of my hand.
i sleep with dreams
of the rain & evening songs.
i wake up
with a knowing smile
that you are not mine.
but someone else's tomorrow.


08 aug, monday

so then i find out her name is kristin. she emails, missing the island already.

05 aug, friday

had dinner with christiana, a visiting canadian who teaches kids in korea. an acquaintance who immediately became a friend as the night wore on. though worlds apart, we found a million and one things in common - a protective mother, a burning wanderlust, the angst of being young & single in the 21st century as well as everyday thoughts on love and life. only a few hours between us, but i'll definitely miss her.

in between rum, mango margaritas & vodka sevens i escaped my little posse to catch a bit of air. then came the rain. raging at two in the morning. the bartenders boarded up as the partygoers were forced to brave the unforgiving downpour. the next two hours were spent with another new friend, the most peculiar 18 year old i know. cold & wet, we warmed ourselves with talks on everything and nothing.

01 aug, monday

monday night is movie night at bamboo lounge. capped the evening off with a glass of sangria & a stroll along the beach.

31 july, sunday

on my way home, i rode in a tricyle driven by a father and his 3 year old son who shouted vroom vroom as we sped along the narrow back streets of boracay

30 july, saturday

after weeks of rain, the sun was finally out! today we danced & jumped with the waves, flirted with the sand & soaked all the sunshine in, our sun deprived skin singing here comes the sun...lal la lala lah...

swept away
29 july, friday

first real night out since i moved to the island. drank rum by the beach, danced with fellow islanders, took a dip in the water, the nighy sky spattered with stars. everything felt real.

i'm home.

:)

like i said

days are moving faster. one sunset after another.

yet even on gray sky afternoons, the sunsets are beautiful. i am not one to look away.

not one to sleep without waking. not one to live without dreaming.

the house beside casimero bakery

that’s how we call home. it will never be the same without you; without your presence as warm as the afternoon sun which paints the otherwise dim kitchen with yellow daffodils. your laughter that bounces off the ceiling like rays of light, penetrating our walls and our hearts. your friendship that is as real and beautiful as soft sand on our feet, saltwater on our skin and all the wonderful things the island brings.

your alarm clock won’t wake me up in the morning and I no longer have to wait endlessly for you to dress up. our kitchen sink will be so much cleaner; your dirty plates won’t sit there biding their time. the floors will be gleaming and i won’t have to trip over your Imelda Marcos collection of slippers. you think life in the house beside Casimero bakery will be more convenient, but I don’t think that way.

i want laughter that makes our bellies ache and conversations through bedroom walls. i want ice cream after dinner and our long brunches on sunday mornings. i want motorcycle rides through the night. and our constant midnight snacks, when we ponder about our troubles and how they seem more bearable with each other’s company. i know, i will miss you dearly.

know i’m here for you. live through your days and let your dreams bring you back, to sunsets and blue skies and all lovely things in between.

days are moving faster

tears fall whenever i think about it. yet I am filled with warmth and inexplicable happiness because it’s you.

you fill my void in the strangest and simplest ways. clear as this morning was, the sky is slowly beginning to fill with clouds. i am lost in my wanting.

lost in translation

sunsets. sunrise. pink skies. moonlight. constellations. ice cream. yogurt. riddles. whispered words. strangled feelings. wind. rain. strange currencies. white wine. smoke in the air. pillow talk. facades. masquerades. uncertainty. moments of clarity. longing. missing. regret. envy. passion. madness. sleepless nights. of hopes. of dreams. blue air. parallel universe. swimming and dancing. drowning and floating. feeling, always feeling, never thinking. until now.

being me

right now i can stare at any inanimate object for hours on end. ok maybe not hours, as i tend to exaggerate about things. my boyfriend once said during one heated argument that i tend to be very dramatic. voice quivering and as theatrical as possible, i shouted back just because your dim ex-girlfriend was a doormat doesn’t mean the rest of womankind is as lifeless and boring. i’m crazy and my life is full of drama and this is why you love me!

ladies and gentlemen: the weight of words.

the afternoon is turning gray and if it weren’t for the tick-tacking of my fingers and keyboards, i could almost hear the whole world yawn. it’s a perfect day for yawning.

thoughts and feelings are consuming me faster these days. i don’t think my mind can keep up. while washing the dishes or writing down messages in our office logbook, i’d catch myself blurting out my thoughts to no one in particular. i know i’m weird but even that begs for an examination. i’m used to blurting out phrases in public, but never on a daily basis.

ladies and gentlemen: a candidate for mental rehab.

parallel universe

so things have a weird way of working out. what the hell am I saying? nothing has worked its way out yet…

living here is like a dream (though a good friend of mine would argue as he finds the word vacation more apt). was it anais nin who said dreams and reality are interdependent? it hits me every time i realize this is my life now. it flows with ease like water smoothing out bumps and rough surfaces that come along the way. if i give this up and settle back in the city, will i be able to wade gracefully back into the normalcy of things? or will i shrivel up like an old piece of grape, devoid of water and life and all sweet matter in between?

the thought makes me sink deeper into the covers, as if the universe under my blanket could provide me with answers.

14.01.06

~

words move in mysterious ways. they alter your state of being and sometimes, the course of events.

just hours ago I got a peek into a parallel universe - and it became one of the best nights of my life.

thank you.

13.01.06

~

rain will fall like tears tonight.

can the void within us ever be filled?

like a blank canvass, my mind still refuses to speak up. my heart is pounding silently. i knew the time would come, the question was when. today it obviously has.

just like that.

tell me – i fucking told you so.

12.01.06

spinning

these past few months i have been responding to things in a purely spontaneous manner. i felt blood drain out of me from over-thinking the last year and a half of my life that my mind has learned to shut down on its own. and because i have been feeling and swimming in my emotions, i am having the most baffling time attempting to answer questions that need to be asked. like “what the hell am I doing” and “where am I still not trusting life”.

i can only eat a plate of banana sour cream pancakes (my latest comfort food) and ponder the whole day, inexorably gulping down the last bit without arriving to any conclusion. for the first time in my life i considered seeing a shrink, only to see if she can get those answers from me. but if I cannot do it for myself then who can? the vastness and variety of events that occurred in the last few days has left me in a state of weird confusion. i can say i am happy. in fact, happier than i have been in a long while. but as much as i would love to stay in this suspended state of happiness, the situation calls for a leap.

common sense is not so common these days you see. if only answers can come clear as the sky on a cloudless day then i’d be flying.

sea glass

you are my bedtime thought, the one that lulls me to sleep. tell me, what is it about you that draws me near? closer each day, yet further apart we breathe. you are my night sky - all clouds, all stars, all moon.

desire burns eagerly for what it can’t have. your eyes bring me to where I am and where we’re not. i am without you and forever with you. i'm blissfully stranded on your island, like sea glass shimmering in the sand.

moonswept

i had work the next day but then the full moon was out, the air a mystic blue, the ocean waves lapping at my feet, how can i waste that on sleep?

three pineapple rhums, a mango shake and one cup of coffee later i am struggling to keep myself awake. you don't have to ask, the answer is yes - i am definitely doing it again :)

sunset sailing

sailing in pink waters, i watched as the sky turned purple. parallel to the horizon, i let myself go, floating in the wind. the sun painted the clouds a startling red, like a neon sky on fire. up ahead the moon juts out of the sky like a pearl, precious in its oyster shell. no words to speak as I lie in wonder, an astonishing stillness settling over me. so close to nature, I am one with the sky, moon and sea.

serendipity and other miracles

each day is truly a blessing.

you wake up to a bright sky, like a blue canvass waiting to be painted. you let the sun kiss your face and the wind cool your skin. you've been overcome by disappointment, and for a moment you felt defeat invade you from within. but on this island you've learned to let go. to free things that burden the mind and constrict the soul. in doing so you've created space where love can frow freely. the heaven sees this and blessings fall like rain, kind words you least expect and heartfelt thoughts that inspire immensely. most of all, friends made by serendipity.

you lift your face to the sky and wait for the sunset to paint it pink..orange..purple.

sunsets and sandcastles

it was four in the afternoon when camille, sheila and i walked to beach for some chips and pineapple rum. we watched as the sky turned gray and rays of pale golden light shot through clouds heavy with rain. it was an eerily beautiful sunset. when joey, the red pirate, and his sailboat docked right before dark, the rain came and we all huddled in our favorite beach shack. turned out there was another birthday party at red pirates and we ended up joining the feast. needless to say it was another night of good food in the company of good friends.

~

right before midnight we arrived at summer place where we lost ourselves to reggae and the divine voice of karl roy. as he ended with his own rendition of peter frampton's "baby i love your way" with U2's "with or without you", we danced our way out to the beach where the seabreeze quenched our warm skins. the tide was up and a majestic looking sandcastle was laid out before us. urged by camille, the powerpuff girls plunged into the sandcastle - spires, towers and all. we kicked and dove into the creamy structure until we were covered with sand, giggling like schoolgirls, unmindful of anyone else.

that night i went home sandy and happy :)

once on this island

woke up to a sky blue morning...drank wine with my feet in soft white sand...waves lapping at my knees. all the stars were out.

much love.

my first birthday on the island :)