spinning

these past few months i have been responding to things in a purely spontaneous manner. i felt blood drain out of me from over-thinking the last year and a half of my life that my mind has learned to shut down on its own. and because i have been feeling and swimming in my emotions, i am having the most baffling time attempting to answer questions that need to be asked. like “what the hell am I doing” and “where am I still not trusting life”.

i can only eat a plate of banana sour cream pancakes (my latest comfort food) and ponder the whole day, inexorably gulping down the last bit without arriving to any conclusion. for the first time in my life i considered seeing a shrink, only to see if she can get those answers from me. but if I cannot do it for myself then who can? the vastness and variety of events that occurred in the last few days has left me in a state of weird confusion. i can say i am happy. in fact, happier than i have been in a long while. but as much as i would love to stay in this suspended state of happiness, the situation calls for a leap.

common sense is not so common these days you see. if only answers can come clear as the sky on a cloudless day then i’d be flying.