recognition

growing up i used to watch other kids with envy as they bend their backs over, dropping back effortlessly on their hands and doing other cool tricks like splitting in the air. so when i discovered yoga four years ago, it was only natural that i zeroed in on my flexibility. it wasn't an easy task but getting there was a colorful ride. i learned to stretch and twist in ways i've never thought possible for me. i started out with my fingers barely touching my toes in paschimothanasana (seated forward bend). now after three years of reaching i can finally bring my chest to my thighs AND have my fingers securely wrapped around my feet.

however i soon learn that flexibility is one thing and strength is another. on this path i've chosen to take, i realized i needed to build my strength too. while i've seen progress through practice, it is only in these first four days of anusara workshop that i'm truly beginning to understand how to build my own strength by remembering my power first. that i work from inside out. as my teacher talks about today's theme, power of self, i recognize that i had given mine away. whenever i acknowledged pain in my body i had turned it into a self-limiting obstacle that prevented me to go deeper into the pose. anusara is teaching me to take that power back and as i do, through my teachers' guidance, i feel my back strengthening. with my back strong, these rounded shoulders which have caused me pain time and again begin to open. i feel my heart lifting and a surge of ecstatic defiance overwhelms and humbles me. the realization that i have crossed my own personal boundary moves me to tears and empowers me all at once. as i bend backwards, i open myself to a million beautiful possibilities.

it comes to me how boundless we really are. i'm reminded how each limitation is self-inflicted and as we go through the beautiful process of transformation, we go back to remembering who we are. i bask in the warmth of this recognition. lying in savasana with the sublime kirtan music in the air, i realize i don't need to float far away to look for my happy place. i've found it here, on the mat, within the person i've become.

the search

there are days that seem more beautiful than others. when mornings begin with yoga and ease into afternoons surfing on the beach. but it's been weeks when the days have fallen into this pattern. it's a strange monsoon that has brought waves on the island. surfing until the skies turn pink has become an almost natural thing. it's quite hard to beat the high you get from your very own backyard. then the feeling of coming home to a house filled with great friends preparing a home-cooked meal is priceless; sharing a conversation under a full moonlit sky or a bottle of wine on a rainy night. this has become my life. how long ago was it when i felt so lost while dreaming and searching for la dolce vita? when i thought i could find it if i could only get away from here (here being the philippines). that time in my life seems far away now yet never too distant to stop me from remembering. a line i've read many times before comes to mind. "it is always ourselves we find in the search".

i am thankful that i can still see it clearly. that each detail from all my yesterdays is a vivid reminder of the journey that has brought me to where i am today, blissfully living what i've sought so hard to find. carrying it with me wherever i go. finding it here especially, on this island i call home. my own personal dolce vita.