a few days ago, while i was blowing my hair dry, i had an epiphany. clear as the cloudless sky that morning, it struck me - i am not wife material.
seriously.
i don't have martha stewart fantasies even when i love burying myself in crafts at times or spending three days in a row cooking up a pasta storm.
i know - being a wife isn't all about playing house. it's just that right now, i can't stand the thought of staying put, for husband or child for that matter. not when some dreams still need to be realized.
i am, i can say, girlfriend material.
well at least one thing's for certain.
happy holidays everyone :)
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Sunday, December 05, 2004
life as it is
like i've said, i've been extremely busy.
in the middle of production and designing new items for my lounge, sleep & beach collection, balancing finances and launching a new magazine, negativity has still managed to find its way in.
after almost five years of being together, my boyfriend and i have been constantly asked the BIG question - "when are you two getting married?"
i've gone from mona lisa smiles to childlike pouts and the occasional exaggerated grimace. though few people have stopped there, most begged to pursue the discussion. this question & answer portion is always present in family gatherings, drinking parties & of course, weddings. it has become such a routine to the point that our creativity has been put to good use.
in spite of all these, there are precious few who know the truth. close friends & family who've watched us grow as a couple. but lately, these same people have started asking us, WHEN?
so why negativity? because no matter how i try to answer their unending questions, they still fail to understand WHY. they nod their heads sadly, quietly wishing i felt differently. worse, one person very close to my heart has challenged me with statements like "do you really think he'd wait for you longer?". it has gotten so bad that she even doubts if bf has any plans at all, specifically pointing out the absence of a ring on my finger.
but i don't even want a ring. i want my life as it is.
i like how i'm rediscovering old passions, revealing new talents and reinventing ME. right now i'm simply trying to be the person i've always wanted to be, and it's a very scary process. each day brings a new opportunity as well as uncertainty. although i know where i want to go, i'm not certain what the best way is to get there. each day is a challenge as it is and when the people you depend on for support question the decisions you make, the day just becomes a tad harder to deal with.
someday, i would like to get married. but not just yet.
as much as i believe in marriage, stronger is the belief that not everyone's sole purpose in life is to tie the knot. that individuals who decide differently shouldn't be judged nor frowned upon. no one, not even celebrities who make a living out of public scrutiny, should be told how to live life. but i guess in a society where no one is ever content, where your body is either too thin or too fat and never just right, this message is difficult to get across.
in the midst of all this negativity, one person has remained open-minded and understanding. my boyfriend, my personal cheerleader, my devil's advocate. he listens to my ideas without judgment, talks about my plans with sincerity and helps in weighing out my options. once in a while he gets me tissue when i can't help but be the teary-eyed diva i've become these last few & frantic weeks.
when words fail, he gives me a big hug that tells me i'll be alright.
and this is what i call positivity.
in the middle of production and designing new items for my lounge, sleep & beach collection, balancing finances and launching a new magazine, negativity has still managed to find its way in.
after almost five years of being together, my boyfriend and i have been constantly asked the BIG question - "when are you two getting married?"
i've gone from mona lisa smiles to childlike pouts and the occasional exaggerated grimace. though few people have stopped there, most begged to pursue the discussion. this question & answer portion is always present in family gatherings, drinking parties & of course, weddings. it has become such a routine to the point that our creativity has been put to good use.
in spite of all these, there are precious few who know the truth. close friends & family who've watched us grow as a couple. but lately, these same people have started asking us, WHEN?
so why negativity? because no matter how i try to answer their unending questions, they still fail to understand WHY. they nod their heads sadly, quietly wishing i felt differently. worse, one person very close to my heart has challenged me with statements like "do you really think he'd wait for you longer?". it has gotten so bad that she even doubts if bf has any plans at all, specifically pointing out the absence of a ring on my finger.
but i don't even want a ring. i want my life as it is.
i like how i'm rediscovering old passions, revealing new talents and reinventing ME. right now i'm simply trying to be the person i've always wanted to be, and it's a very scary process. each day brings a new opportunity as well as uncertainty. although i know where i want to go, i'm not certain what the best way is to get there. each day is a challenge as it is and when the people you depend on for support question the decisions you make, the day just becomes a tad harder to deal with.
someday, i would like to get married. but not just yet.
as much as i believe in marriage, stronger is the belief that not everyone's sole purpose in life is to tie the knot. that individuals who decide differently shouldn't be judged nor frowned upon. no one, not even celebrities who make a living out of public scrutiny, should be told how to live life. but i guess in a society where no one is ever content, where your body is either too thin or too fat and never just right, this message is difficult to get across.
in the midst of all this negativity, one person has remained open-minded and understanding. my boyfriend, my personal cheerleader, my devil's advocate. he listens to my ideas without judgment, talks about my plans with sincerity and helps in weighing out my options. once in a while he gets me tissue when i can't help but be the teary-eyed diva i've become these last few & frantic weeks.
when words fail, he gives me a big hug that tells me i'll be alright.
and this is what i call positivity.
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