Breathe

Sometimes in our efforts to expand our lives, we tend to do more rather than less.

Slowly I've been realizing that change needs spaciousness. Becoming a new mom needs space. I rushed back into the regularity of things a few months into motherhood, thinking one must not forget herself. I thought so many moms fell into this trap of forgetting, and I vowed to myself, never. But in doing so, I failed to create space for this new person I was becoming. So in my rushed efforts to get back on the mat & start teaching again, and to start traveling the world once more, I too fell into a kind of forgetting. I forgot to nourish myself as a mother, not realizing that she has different needs than that of a single woman traveling with single person needs, of which surfing & yoga took the top spots. As physically demanding these activities were, nothing can quite compare to the demands of purely breastfed child. To nourish a child by giving him your milk means to nurture the very body that makes it. But I missed all that. I forgot because I was so afraid to forget.

Fear presents us with the greatest irony ~ when we come from a place of fear, we go towards the direction it wants us to.

Fear comes from forgetting who we truly are, what we're made of, and what we need. The only way through this is by remembering, and that requires space. Space to listen to ourselves, to what the heart has to say. Space to hear the voice that tells us when we are not okay. Space to mind the breath, and when it starts to come in jagged spurts, space is what we need, so we can pause and take a rest.

Breathing comes easy when we surrender, and lately I've been doing just that. Our lives will be infinitely fuller when we learn to create & hold space within in, rather than stuffing it with too much of what we can really live without. We know what we need. All we have to do is listen.

Tales from the East Coast (part 2)

The city so nice they named it twice. New York, New York!  

Time flew fast in NY. There were so many things to do, places to see, museums to visit, shows to watch, food to try... clearly impossible in a week! So we did the best we could and had a fantastic time.

There's something about this city that kinda made me wish I got here sooner, like 15 years sooner. It's the perfect canvass brimming with possibilities. Everything is available to anyone who's seeking... at least that's how it felt like. As the song goes there's nothing you can't do, now you're in New York...

Some of the highlights of this trip:

♥ Seeing some of my dearest girlfriends and eating our hearts out in Eataly
♥ Staying in the East Village 
♥ Exploring the Lower East Side, West Village, Soho, Nolita and the surrounding areas
♥ Having the best laughs at the Comedy Cellar (go online and make your reservations)    
♥ Seeing Van Gogh's Starry Night and Monet's Water Lilies at the MoMa (closed on Tuesdays)
♥ Broadway's The Book of Mormon (possibly the most hilarious musical to date, composed by South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone )
♥ Taking the ferry to Staten Island for a good look at the Statue of Liberty (stay at the right side of the ferry to get the best views) 
♥ Taking a stroll through the High Line (a public park built on an historic freight rail line elevated above the streets on Manhattan’s West Side) 

Eating our hearts out in Eataly!

Bustling SoHo

Washington Square Park (have you seen the movie August Rush?)

Lower East Side

There she is, Ms. Liberty

The High Line, one of my favorite spots in the city!

One week in this amazing and vibrant city left me wanting. Will definitely be coming back for more! Next up, a list of some of our best eats in NY! ♥ 

Tales from the East Coast (part 1)

Two weeks ago we packed our bags and headed to the east coast. First stop, the nation's capital, DC. My aunt lives in Virginia and ever since I was little, she'd tell me stories about her life in the States and her travels around the world (I used to have a cool stamp collection because of it). I think she's one of the first few to inspire me, along with all the books she gives us, to travel and leave home. So it was kind of a milestone to finally be able to visit her and see the place I only heard about in stories.

Washington and Arlington (Virginia) are so close together that we had an easy and pleasant time visiting all the landmarks. I love Georgetown, with its picture perfect historic buildings and shops. We visited Georgetown University and that made me long for my campus days (yup, stuck on being a kolehiyala!). Some of the stuff we crammed into those two days... oh and meet Marty, he made our short stay all the sweeter! :)

The White House ~ a lot smaller than we thought it would be.

Visiting the Smithsonian and the friendly neighborhood T-Rex. 

Loving Georgetown

Georgetown University

Marty! ♥

Next stop, New York! :)

If you're going to San Francisco...

It's been over 3 years since my first visit to San Francisco. Back then it was the peak of winter, which meant clear blue skies and cold crisp air, road trips to Lake Tahoe, cable car rides along the city's winding roads and then some.

Coming back I'm armed with a totally different intention and that is to enjoy the city in my most relaxed and languid pace. To explore the different neighborhoods without an end point in mind. To drop by the flea markets and indie shops that San Francisco is quite known for. Have long weekend brunches. Go to a yoga class and BE the yoga student. Show up at the Ferry Building for the much-loved Farmer's Market and stuff myself silly. Go back to all the places that my husband and I have come to love from that first visit.

Which is why on our first day here, we went straight to Trader Joe's. This is my happy place, as all good food places are. I almost danced my way around the aisles while I stocked up on some great organic produce. The rest of the day was spent cooking lunch for two (yum!), napping (cold weather makes it so easy) and heading out to grab a hot bowl of Pho for dinner.

That's as relaxed and languid as it can get. And most importantly, it's just the two of us. ♥ 

Artisan bread at Trader Joe's baked fresh daily.

Cheese, cheese and more cheese!

Goodnight SF ♥ 

 

 

This post is the first in the (If you're going to San Francisco) series.

travel often

have love, will travel

Not all those who wander are lost. (JRR Tolkien)


When I chose my word last year, I knew I was in for a lot of surprises. Explore, after all, is a big word & it made me feel like a child... at once sad to be leaving home for the first time & excited to be going out there on my own. It made me nervous, hopeful, excited, brave & adventurous. It made me feel how each human being on this planet should feel ~ alive.

Explore pushed me further out of my comfort zone & kicked my sorry excuses out of the window. It got me off my thinking chair & into the world. It got me to stop dreaming & start doing. The Holstee manifesto could not have said it any better

This is your life. Do what you love. Do it often.

And so I did, big time :) I started 2011 with a colorful visit to my hometown, swam with whale sharks, surfed Bali for a month; traveled with my yoga mat & spent intensive weeks on it with some of the most amazing spirits and the best teachers in the world. I went on spontaneous trips with unexpected company & that showed me I could fall in love with another part of the universe.

My word made me open to new connections & rethink about old ones. It made me appreciate the love I have in my life every 5 seconds. I'm deeply grateful & blessed to be taking part of the universe's abundance. All the traveling is certainly not because of a million bucks in my bank account (though it wouldn't hurt to have that as well!). I could easily say that many friends have pockets deeper than mine (they choose to spend that differently & I could only hope, passionately). No. Money can only take you so far. I say love takes you the farthest you need to go.

There has got to be passion or else traveling & transiting for 24 hours straight between 4 different terminals with your surfboard will drive you insane. It's got to be mad love or why else endure a 2 day stopover in between countries, barely enough time for you to unpack & switch bags. It may be exciting to travel to go from one beautiful place to the next but it's also exhausting at the same time. To the point of losing your voice for 8 straight days, or to the miserable point of getting pneumonia. Exploring does come with a price, but a price I'm willing to pay all in the name of love.

I read somewhere that in order to be an explorer of the world, one must notice the stories around you. To use all your senses in your investigations. You have to notice your own story unfold... see where these journeys are really taking you. And mine have taken me to realize what the best part of traveling is.

Coming home.

THANK YOU 2011. You've been such an amazing ride. :)

postcards from bali ::: surf's up!

~ scenes from kuta, legian & seminyak ~

After over a week of paddling, wave catching & playing in the water, I am totally surfed out! Not to mention bruised, sore, bronzed & extremely happy :) There's no stoke like paddling out on a clear sunny day, sliding down some glassy waves, wiping out on fierce ones, waiting on your board in between sets & taking off on long sweet rides.

Until recently, I have never really surfed solo. I had been afraid, in need & want of someone to paddle out with me. The first time I went on my own was wildly nerve wracking & exhilarating. It was a complete act of trusting myself & trusting nature. Each time I go out there is an act of complete letting go. After all how can you truly play with fear & control in your heart? You simply can't.

The cool thing is, you're never really alone. It doesn't matter where you're from or what board you're on, the lineup is teeming with like-hearted people filled with the same desire to play. There's always someone to share the stoke with. :)

One of my favorites from this week was letting a huge wave go, watching as it closed out from behind... and as the sea spray caught the afternoon light, a full rainbow stretched across the water. It was only for a few magical moments but my smile stayed on long after that.

Peace, love & good vibes. ♥

postcards from bali

- scenes from Ubud -

Bali is home to me in so many ways. Whether it's sleeping & waking up to the sound of waterfalls and the sight of lush jungles in the middle of the island; walking along rice fields while the sun & cool breeze play with your skin; enjoying flavorful spices & aromas from one meal to the next; or breezing through the temple-laden streets on a motorbike, what makes Bali so different are things which are already so familiar. Welcoming me like a dear old friend.

No matter how many travelers pass through Ubud (some staying to become part-time residents), there's always something untouched about the place. It's a place where I can retreat into myself without having to cut my ties to the world. It's where you can move amongst it's gentle people and get to know them without getting in their way. It's where a yoga teacher is blissfully content to be a student, taking classes every single day, gorging on sumptuous delicacies and after, a book & a bed to come home to.

wanderlust

MOVE from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

Tell me, what it is that you plan to do with your one wild & precious life? :)

(Mary Oliver)

my heart wanders

What would happen if one day you decided to follow your heart?

In the book My Heart Wanders Pia Jane Bijkerk shows us all the places where her wandering heart took her. Upon leaving a comfortable home in Sydney, she sets herself up in Paris then later finds a home in a houseboat in Amsterdam. Filled with beautiful images of her travels, this book is an inspirational memoir that awakens that voice inside of us. I can't wait to have my own copy, pick it up & hold it close to my heart!

Hers is a story that mirrors those whose spirits are filled with wanderlust. Exactly where would it take us, the very minute we follow that voice within that tells us to leave the comforts of our home, to take a risk & live the life of our dreams?

A dear friend shared something really beautiful last night. There are no wrong turns. What an amazing way to see things, to take responsibility for our own actions & trust that grace is indeed with us every step of the way. My heart has led me here, to a magical life on an island filled with skies that awaken the soul, surrounded by an ocean of free spirits who live their lives with truth & passion. And yet my heart continues to speak, of other islands where waves call out to play & far away lands where words are spoken differently. It's like opening a door to your heart & finding other doors that lead to other places.

But it's not always easy, noh? It's painful when you realize that some journeys are meant to be traveled alone... when we have to leave things, places & people behind because otherwise we betray our own soul. It's rarely ever easy especially when we struggle to hold on & find ways to maybe, just maybe we can move on without letting go. This is why stories like Pia's inspire us greatly, why stories of so many other courageous & beautiful beings out there resonate deeply in our hearts. This where the truth lies... and following it is the only way we can ever be free.

There is a need inside of us that far outweigh the outcome. How can we ever rest & be true to ourselves if we don't listen?

wanderlust wednesdays: India

contrary to popular belief, they are generous with their smiles in India.
this one right here brings me back to this amazing country each time.

wanderlust wednesdays: i dream of japan

i started wanderlust wednesdays last year as a way of revisiting the places where my wanderlust has taken me. this year i had the idea of posting photographs of places where my wanderlust wants to take me. while i have been to japan in the sakura-filled spring of 2009, i long to go back and visit this lovely country once again. these are photographs of a quaint little japanese restaurant tucked in a quiet corner of my island. where i, as i was dreaming of japan, enjoyed a nice tasty bowl of tempura donburi.

trusting grace

Because of a great love, one is courageous. - Lao Tzu



i used to question everything and trust nothing. i used to be a person filled with so much doubt & distrust. coming from a place of fear, it was hard to see things any other way. there was always the threat of being scared, of not being enough and not having enough. but i'm grateful for this fear. it has led me to dark places where i only longed to be free. it's brought sadness into my life where i learned how to heal. it's brought me to my mat and to realize that this is the place where i want to serve from.

when we begin to look inside ourselves, the first things we usually see are the gunk - all the ugly habits & stories we've acquired through the years that have made us feel bound & limited. yoga has taught me to release each one at my own pace. Anusara has taught me to do so with grace. it's shown me how i can create change and heal. this process of transformation has become such a gift in my life. it's brought me to finally understand why the things that have happened in the past happened the way they did. everything truly has a purpose.

some people are braver, they go after what they want right away - well good for them. i had to learn the hard way and in no way do i resent this. i had to know fear, look at it straight in the eye before i learned about love. the more afraid i got, the desire to overcome it grew deeper. i learned to love and look after myself first no matter what fear has told me. i spent so many years trying to put others before me, trying to make them happy & just trying really hard. it is only when i learned to just let go of the distrust when trust happened. to finally be able to surrender that deluded sense of control and trust grace is one of the very best things that's happened to me.

love transformed me and it continues to do so. love has made me trust life, to trust that things do work out... everything in its own time. love kept me grateful even in my darkest hours. somehow love seems more apparent, more expansive when all the limitations of a relationship has fallen away. a year ago i wrote how loving someone so deeply & being loved greatly in return have given me courage to trust my path and the strength to walk it. i am so deeply grateful for this great love. it continues to break the boundaries we've set for ourselves and lead us to explore a different possibility that's out there waiting for us.

change is inevitable, no matter how painful or sad it gets. when you start putting yourself first & aiming for the highest, you can no longer deny your suffering. so you have to let go. but there is no loss here, only love. and one day, happy endings.

finding my word

Nature does not hurry. Yet everything is accomplished. - Lao Tzu



my word came to me as i knew it would. Explore. one beautiful powerful seed that contains a universe of possibilities.

explore my dreams. explore new continents. explore a new life.

it's such a brave risk-taking word & i'm gathering all my courage to start living it. after all explore means leaving something behind. it means letting go.

i have let go of certain things in the past that have come back in my life. i ask myself is it fate working? or is it my refusal to completely release myself from the things that are holding me back? i ask because i find myself facing similar patterns and i wanna change that. i look back to the year that has passed & realize that when i set the intention to open myself to new possibilities, i was only really looking at specific outcomes. and so when that didn't pan out, i found myself going back to the place i had just left behind. it's kinda like getting your feet wet in the water & running back to shore when the water got too cold.

so this year i resolve to be a little less drastic, to allow myself to stay in the water & observe whatever arises. to explore this distrust & in doing so, find the root of it and completely let it go. like my dear friend & fellow wanderer said - embrace this uncertainty because it's a great reminder of your intention. embracing uncertainty doesn't mean stewing in it or settling, but really sitting with it face to face & getting to the bottom of things.

once again i'm reminded to trust grace completely. because the most important things in life shouldn't take too much effort to make it work. as my yoga practice is teaching me, it has to be a beautiful balance between effort & surrender. and like a voice guiding me in the dark, i trust that my word will take me here, to a place of balance & greater heights. most of all, to a place of trust.