woke up to a sky blue morning...drank wine with my feet in soft white sand...waves lapping at my knees. all the stars were out.
much love.
my first birthday on the island :)
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Sunday, September 18, 2005
fear falling
melancholy came knocking on my door right after college - what i considered were the best years of my existence. college was my first time to leave home, live independently and make decisions which would later change the course of my life. those melancholic nights that came after were constantly filled with nostalgia. like a bad hangover, it wouldn't leave. no amount of banana milkshakes and pain reliever could cure. i found solace in old letters and snapshots which faded throughout the years. it was probably the main theme of my quarter life crisis. i poured all my energy into my new job in order to avoid the erratic episodes of misery and depression. but no matter how hard i tried, it caught up. so i started looking for alternatives. a detour. an escape from the habitual flow of things. so once again i write...
this is why i travel...to escape from a life that family and friends see fit. to slip away from a society that tells you to have babies soon because your biological clock is tick-tocking louder and the neighbours are listening. where girlfriends greet you with looks of feigned concern when they say you should put on a few more pounds, patting your shoulders and nodding their heads sadly like they would if somebody's dog had died. perplexed why my physical state deserves an editorial, a smile is all i could offer to keep myself from screaming. why do they care how a person should look? i eat what i want & i'm damn happy to fit nicely in my bikini. i can't help but wonder, when did people start losing touch with things that really matter?oh don't get me wrong. i love my home, stifling as it may be at times. but always inside me is a yearning that can only be pacified by the sound of the ocean, the indescribable feeling of being in a strange place, the sight of bright pink sunsets and night skies spattered with a thousand stars...
this was written 11 months ago. today i am in a place where crickets chirp endlessly at five in the afternoon. where i can experience the moonset and sunrise at the same time.today i am here. but it wasn't an easy ride. i spent weeks each year escaping to far off places, collecting moments of discoveries and sheer pleasure. but it took me years to gather enough courage to unlock the key that kept me chained to the ground. this time raised eyebrows, discouraging protests, and wild horses couldn't keep me away.
my third month on the island and counting. it is heaven on earth and paradise with rain. it's not all magic and romance, life is also at work here. there are days when the monsoon winds prove just a bit too much and the mud unforgivable. but my pink sunsets and star filled skies come in between. and like a thorn removed, i realized i no longer have that hangover.the island has become my banana milkshake. though we are still trying to get to know each other, i've come to call her home. i no longer feel the need to run away. now i'm just running. with the wind, sea and sky. defying my fears. defying gravity.
this is why i travel...to escape from a life that family and friends see fit. to slip away from a society that tells you to have babies soon because your biological clock is tick-tocking louder and the neighbours are listening. where girlfriends greet you with looks of feigned concern when they say you should put on a few more pounds, patting your shoulders and nodding their heads sadly like they would if somebody's dog had died. perplexed why my physical state deserves an editorial, a smile is all i could offer to keep myself from screaming. why do they care how a person should look? i eat what i want & i'm damn happy to fit nicely in my bikini. i can't help but wonder, when did people start losing touch with things that really matter?oh don't get me wrong. i love my home, stifling as it may be at times. but always inside me is a yearning that can only be pacified by the sound of the ocean, the indescribable feeling of being in a strange place, the sight of bright pink sunsets and night skies spattered with a thousand stars...
this was written 11 months ago. today i am in a place where crickets chirp endlessly at five in the afternoon. where i can experience the moonset and sunrise at the same time.today i am here. but it wasn't an easy ride. i spent weeks each year escaping to far off places, collecting moments of discoveries and sheer pleasure. but it took me years to gather enough courage to unlock the key that kept me chained to the ground. this time raised eyebrows, discouraging protests, and wild horses couldn't keep me away.
my third month on the island and counting. it is heaven on earth and paradise with rain. it's not all magic and romance, life is also at work here. there are days when the monsoon winds prove just a bit too much and the mud unforgivable. but my pink sunsets and star filled skies come in between. and like a thorn removed, i realized i no longer have that hangover.the island has become my banana milkshake. though we are still trying to get to know each other, i've come to call her home. i no longer feel the need to run away. now i'm just running. with the wind, sea and sky. defying my fears. defying gravity.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
my peace
in a way, i've always been burdened by the past. i refuse to let some things go, afraid that if i do, it would change my entire being. and i've always been cautious about tomorrow, careful not to divulge my hopes or speak for fear of rejection. so everyday, i cling to my past and sleep with thoughts of the future at night.
but i do believe that change is good for the soul.
as a child i tormented my mother with torn pajamas from climbing trees and picking up fights with the neighbourhood boys. come to think of it, this was probably why she ignored my pleas for karate lessons and stuffed me in ballet shoes instead. my teenage and college years revolved around competitive and adventure sports - swimming, running marathons and rowing gave me my natural high. a restless creature, i was not one to stay still. until one day, i did. i sat down on a black cushioned revolving chair and the office became my world for six exciting and tiring years.
that part of my life is over, thank God. i still swim, floating a bit more this time. i still run, no longer racing after others. it took me a long while before i could calm down and breathe normally again. my life isn't perfect but i savor every moment - every flower that blooms unexpectedly, every rare good thing that comes along the way and every sadness brought by things that are not meant to be, all these i now embrace. not the past, not the future, but the present.
in an unexpected move, i'm now taking yoga and loving every minute. as i chant om shanti...i feel peace. peace that comes with the faint scent of the ocean and the amber glow of each sunset. peace that comes from the stillness of being. peace that comes from my heart.
but i do believe that change is good for the soul.
as a child i tormented my mother with torn pajamas from climbing trees and picking up fights with the neighbourhood boys. come to think of it, this was probably why she ignored my pleas for karate lessons and stuffed me in ballet shoes instead. my teenage and college years revolved around competitive and adventure sports - swimming, running marathons and rowing gave me my natural high. a restless creature, i was not one to stay still. until one day, i did. i sat down on a black cushioned revolving chair and the office became my world for six exciting and tiring years.
that part of my life is over, thank God. i still swim, floating a bit more this time. i still run, no longer racing after others. it took me a long while before i could calm down and breathe normally again. my life isn't perfect but i savor every moment - every flower that blooms unexpectedly, every rare good thing that comes along the way and every sadness brought by things that are not meant to be, all these i now embrace. not the past, not the future, but the present.
in an unexpected move, i'm now taking yoga and loving every minute. as i chant om shanti...i feel peace. peace that comes with the faint scent of the ocean and the amber glow of each sunset. peace that comes from the stillness of being. peace that comes from my heart.
Monday, September 05, 2005
tagged
Seven things I love the most:
(1) the ocean
(2) the moon
(3) traveling
(4) saltwater on my skin
(5) the smell of freshly baked bread
(6) my pajamas
(7) the idea of greece
Seven random facts about me:
(1) i love rice
(2) i want to go on a no chicken diet
(3) i've never fainted in whole life & sometimes fantasized about it
(4) i dream every single night
(5) i want to be a ballerina or a stage actor in my next life
(6) i'm ticklish
(7) i still cry whenever i leave home
Seven things I plan to do before I die:
(1) live in italy for a few months, learn the language
(2) swim with dolphins
(3) morocco, india, paris, portugal, thailand, vietnam...
(4) hanglide in rio de janeiro
(5) dance the flamenco in spain
(6) share a kiss under moonlight in paris
(7) have babies
Seven things I can do:
(1) swim like a fish
(2) row a scull
(3) drink rum..lots of it
(4) climb trees
(5) eat 3 cups of rice in one sitting..maybe even 4
(6) fight
(7) cook
Seven things I can't do:
(1) raise one eyebrow at a time
(2) cartwheel
(3) hula hoop
(4) hold my tears
(5) hide my joy & sadness
(6) act - as in act like a movie star
(7) crosstitch (thank heavens..)
Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex:
(1) eyes that speak
(2) the ability to laugh at oneself
(3) spontaneity (with a dash of craziness)
(4) love & respect for nature
(5) strength & humility
(6) wonderful sense of humor
(7) faith
Seven crushes (whether local or foreign or nonexistent):
(1) johnny depp in edward scissorhands
(2) johnny depp in blow
(3) johnny depp in chocolat
(4) johnny depp as my boyfriend
(5) kate beckinsale
(6) the guy i saw in sydney's town square station
(7) him
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