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The afternoon sun is setting as she leafs through her book, through pages that murmur sadness, elements that make her lose track of time. She looks up and suddenly the sky has turned indigo. The water echoes the same hue, the color before her broken only by the thin blue line of the horizon that looks anything but fragile. She gazes at the sky in bliss, her fingers wanting to rip the blueness of it. One moment of perfection, one moment of anguish. Her bowl of soup comes, steaming with fish goodness. She wonders what roots her to this moment, to the ten thousand moments of sameness in her life. She wonders what makes her stay and what makes her go. The answers are here somewhere, she thinks, covered in indigo light, between pages of fiction, within the depths of hot & sour soup. She looks for it but it escapes her, like steam rising out of the bowl and up in the air, into the blackness of the night, curling itself around the silver of the moon.

human threads

30 minutes, 3 martinis later, bored & still sober, i gazed down at the 80 or so bodies that moved below me & wondered if anyone out there was truly happy. i wondered if they put on the dress, dabbed the perfume on their necks solely for themselves. i wondered how many were really dancing without mind nor care of anyone watching. i wondered how many out there were like me, longing for something out of reach. i could see the tinge of wanting illuminated under the pulsing neon lights. i realized that save for a flight of stairs & a huge glass window, nothing really separated me from these other people. that the person who said "what we have in common is greater than what sets us apart" is right. we are all connected.

i called it a night & headed home.

tonight

tonight no words come
as i sit with myself
lingering in silence
watching my heart sink
as it struggles to stay afloat
brave like the tiny leaf
that clings to an old weary branch.

tonight no words come
as i drift down this river
this mad crazy ride called my life
exhausting exhilarating wildly amazingly wonderful
at the same time.

tonight no words come
as the feeling of longing engulfs me
as i yearn for your warm embrace
as the eternal wonder settles in me
as i wonder about when & where
no words come...
and i let that be.