It hurts sometimes when you're healing. It's the sensation of your heart growing bigger. It's the feel of your old scar tissue breaking up and stretching. It's the tight and fearful knots of emotion opening up and learning to relax. Those old hurts were actually shrinking your heart... with tension, the way tightness in the back can curve and distort the spine.
I know it hurts, but you can learn to experience these feelings as intense sensation and simply surrender yourself; trusting that a new and better you will soon emerge. Fear and resistance will increase the pain. Love and acceptance will ease it.
You'll be opening up more room in your life for love.
- Dorothy Mendoza Row
Often nature makes difficult things very clear. What feels like confusion is frequently our human refusal to see things for what they are. - Mark Nepo
There are instances when I want time to stand still. Like moments when you're sleeping peacefully, crouched on your side of the bed like a child. Or when your hand weaves around mine perfectly, the way babies snuggle up to their mothers' breasts. I wish I can freeze time indefinitely so that today can extend over many tomorrows and neither one of us have to leave. Then in these moments my heart can rest from its sadness because grief has made its walls grow thin. But even as I write days are moving one after the other and I'm blown across space. Stumbling silently like a tumbleweed, weightless against the wind.
Can you feel it? The light approaching earlier, it feels like the beginning of summer. But the wind's still cold, the evening skies dark with clouds. I know this place, I've been here before. Where I thought I can go back and recapture what time could not. But exactly 1 year after I find myself in the same spot. Where truth is reflected between us, glaring against this starless night.
How can we not see things for what they are? There is no going back. And time will never stand still for any of us.
So the world continues to spin, faster on most days, but slow on nights like this. I wait for the clouds to dissipate, for the stars to come through. For summer's endless blue skies to appear, like a long lost dream.
