The past two weeks have been a whirl. An intense process began to take place in the Anusara Yoga community - a process of questioning & scrutinizing, of waiting & hoping, of listening & judging, of leaving & staying.
I'm not an Anusara certified or inspired teacher. I'm not an "insider" who can claim to have any close-hand information about John Friend & the incidents which have led to this. I'm not a longtime member of the kula, I don't get to rub elbows with John & the immediate circle of teachers around him. What I am is a student & what I know is this - Anusara has given me the deepest transformation I could ever hope for in myself, on and off the mat.
It is a deeply dynamic & creative hatha yoga practice which is elegantly woven with intelligent alignment. Yet behind this science lies its soul, the beautiful life-affirming & heart-opening Tantric philosphy of intrinsic goodness. It brought the best out of me so that I could face the worst without fear. Furthermore it's allowed me to share this teaching with my students, whose practice have flourished, whose bodies have clearly transformed & whose hearts have shone brighter because of this powerful method. Most of all it's shown me Grace, that it's around me & in me. That we are never without. Trusting Grace is the biggest gift I've given myself, one that I've come to understand through this practice.
I'm so greatly blessed to have a teacher in Desiree Rumbaugh who's taught me to be grounded in the teachings that she's passed on with genuine & honest clarity. "Grace is always there to support us, it teaches us that we can no longer take the blame for everything. Nor do we take all the praise." While I hold the highest pedestal for the practice of Anusara, I've never held John Friend in the same light. And I don't mean this with disrespect. As someone who've only been studying & practicing the method for 3 years, I saw how others revered him almost to the point of being god-like, a behavior which I've always found curious. So when it was time to study with him, if only for a brief week, it was almost a sigh of relief to come face to face with a human being... simple in appearances, extraordinary in intelligence, knowledge & wit. Nevertheless still a human being.
So I can only imagine how shocking & heartbreaking it was when news of his unethical behavior broke out. For teachers, students & followers of John who've held him so high all these years, adored him without extent & placed him synonymously with Anusara, it must be a fierce & crushing blow. So once again I maintain an observer's perspective, all at once detached in my emotions & yet amazed at the amount of anger, judgment & condemnation that rose from the greater part of the community.
But now I understand. I could never feel the same anger so many others have felt simply because I've always regarded him for what he is - a person. I could not feel betrayal because I do not have a personal relationship with the man. I could never pretend to feel the hurt he's caused around him. But when more respected teachers & colleagues started to leave, many like Tara Judelle & Noah Maze who I admire deeply, I couldn't be emotionally detached anymore. I was saddened beyond words.
And so it's with love & respect that I say this - I'm glad John Friend resigned from Anusara. I'm glad that by his doing so he's separating the teacher from the teachings & allowing others to recognize the same. Yoga IS a practice of remembrance because it's so easy to forget that we are students as much as we are teachers. Anusara is bigger than any of us. It's brought us to where we're at today, it certainly brought our teacher to this place. Whether by his own will or forced by circumstance, stepping down is what integrity calls for in this situation. And he did it. It's with the same love & respect I hold the ones who chose to walk away, who fueled the fires of transformation. All this is Grace. And yes, it's not the merry-bohemian-happy-shiny-easy-to-love form of Grace. But it is Grace nonetheless.
I didn't discover Anusara 3 years ago... it discovered me. In the same way that it moved through a man many years ago in an ashram in Ganeshpuri, who was taught compassion, to never give up on students... who was inspired by this philosophy of love & grace and was shown the faith that goodness lies in each & every one of us.
No comments:
Post a Comment