my peace

in a way, i've always been burdened by the past. i refuse to let some things go, afraid that if i do, it would change my entire being. and i've always been cautious about tomorrow, careful not to divulge my hopes or speak for fear of rejection. so everyday, i cling to my past and sleep with thoughts of the future at night.

but i do believe that change is good for the soul.

as a child i tormented my mother with torn pajamas from climbing trees and picking up fights with the neighbourhood boys. come to think of it, this was probably why she ignored my pleas for karate lessons and stuffed me in ballet shoes instead. my teenage and college years revolved around competitive and adventure sports - swimming, running marathons and rowing gave me my natural high. a restless creature, i was not one to stay still. until one day, i did. i sat down on a black cushioned revolving chair and the office became my world for six exciting and tiring years.

that part of my life is over, thank God. i still swim, floating a bit more this time. i still run, no longer racing after others. it took me a long while before i could calm down and breathe normally again. my life isn't perfect but i savor every moment - every flower that blooms unexpectedly, every rare good thing that comes along the way and every sadness brought by things that are not meant to be, all these i now embrace. not the past, not the future, but the present.

in an unexpected move, i'm now taking yoga and loving every minute. as i chant om shanti...i feel peace. peace that comes with the faint scent of the ocean and the amber glow of each sunset. peace that comes from the stillness of being. peace that comes from my heart.