fear falling

melancholy came knocking on my door right after college - what i considered were the best years of my existence. college was my first time to leave home, live independently and make decisions which would later change the course of my life. those melancholic nights that came after were constantly filled with nostalgia. like a bad hangover, it wouldn't leave. no amount of banana milkshakes and pain reliever could cure. i found solace in old letters and snapshots which faded throughout the years. it was probably the main theme of my quarter life crisis. i poured all my energy into my new job in order to avoid the erratic episodes of misery and depression. but no matter how hard i tried, it caught up. so i started looking for alternatives. a detour. an escape from the habitual flow of things. so once again i write...

this is why i travel...to escape from a life that family and friends see fit. to slip away from a society that tells you to have babies soon because your biological clock is tick-tocking louder and the neighbours are listening. where girlfriends greet you with looks of feigned concern when they say you should put on a few more pounds, patting your shoulders and nodding their heads sadly like they would if somebody's dog had died. perplexed why my physical state deserves an editorial, a smile is all i could offer to keep myself from screaming. why do they care how a person should look? i eat what i want & i'm damn happy to fit nicely in my bikini. i can't help but wonder, when did people start losing touch with things that really matter?oh don't get me wrong. i love my home, stifling as it may be at times. but always inside me is a yearning that can only be pacified by the sound of the ocean, the indescribable feeling of being in a strange place, the sight of bright pink sunsets and night skies spattered with a thousand stars...

this was written 11 months ago. today i am in a place where crickets chirp endlessly at five in the afternoon. where i can experience the moonset and sunrise at the same time.today i am here. but it wasn't an easy ride. i spent weeks each year escaping to far off places, collecting moments of discoveries and sheer pleasure. but it took me years to gather enough courage to unlock the key that kept me chained to the ground. this time raised eyebrows, discouraging protests, and wild horses couldn't keep me away.

my third month on the island and counting. it is heaven on earth and paradise with rain. it's not all magic and romance, life is also at work here. there are days when the monsoon winds prove just a bit too much and the mud unforgivable. but my pink sunsets and star filled skies come in between. and like a thorn removed, i realized i no longer have that hangover.the island has become my banana milkshake. though we are still trying to get to know each other, i've come to call her home. i no longer feel the need to run away. now i'm just running. with the wind, sea and sky. defying my fears. defying gravity.