today

....is the first day of a new year. once again i open my journal & read through my entries. january 2001...january 2002...january 2003...okay. so it ends right there. for some forgettable reason, january 2004 is MISSING.

it has been a personal tradition on the first day of each year to read past entries in my orange & blue floral journal (please do not question my taste on this one - this notebook had been a gift). why i didn't jot anything down last year, i really don't remember.

one thing that i do know is this - 2004 was one big rollercoaster ride.

after a painfully slow quarter-life crisis that lasted for two years (gasp!), i plucked enough courage and insanity to leave my comfort zone. i woke up from a strange slumber where i dreamt of getting married at the age of 25. i shook my head with the realization that with all the life changes that i've gone through, so much of me is still the same. to travel and to live freely. it's what i've always wanted.

last year, i got to do just that. i left home and everything else in it for an exploratory trip that lasted for a month. i re-discovered my dreams and realized how much i needed to spend time with myself and experience things on my own. incidents proved once again that i am a complicated person. thus the complicated threads i've managed to weave into my life.

it was indeed a difficult year, but an exciting one just the same. with all the heartaches and goodbyes, life goes on.

as i read through my journals once again, i can only smile at the scared woman i was at that time. my battles are not over, but i'm proud of myself for having gone a long way. i have finally taken the first step in changing my life.

i still get scared at times, but i try my best to push these thoughts away. i must not give up on my dreams, no matter how silly or reckless they may seem to other people. i know that now.

blue christmas by abbytrysagain

so today, i can only hope for a better and brighter year ahead. one filled with more happy discoveries, new places to conquer and ultimately - la dolce vita. to live the bohemian life i've always dreamed about.

p.s.
i've managed to slave my way through - it's almost 5 in the morning after all. this should more than make up for last year's missing entry. happy new year everyone :)