spring awakening

when we open our hearts to spring, we know it's time for new beginnings.

letting go

i've had the special and most amazing opportunity to experience a past life regression. as the name implies, the experience involves hypnosis to 'visit' memories of our past lives. this practice stems from the belief that who we are, what we're made of are karmic outcomes of previous lives. Patanjali, who wrote the Yoga Sutras, believed that current problems can be understood and addressed through memories of these lives. whether we believe in it or not, the message(s) that we get from this experience can be truly valuable.

it is through this that i finally understood the root of my sadness - this energy that has existed and lived with me ever since i can remember. now that i know how it came to be, i can no longer close my eyes to the fact that while i cannot do anything about the past, i can do something about the present. i know that it's time for me to release it, and in doing so free myself.

it's only the beginning days of transition and already the separation anxiety is kicking in. on most days i look forward to that happy and complete future that eluded me in the past, but on some days doubt and confusion creep in. the sadness is overwhelming and twice i had almost allowed myself to succumb to it. but i know too much now. i know that if i don't do anything differently, then nothing is ever going to change.

i still find it baffling how we can't make some things work even when it seems we have all the right ingredients to do so. i never thought that having a great partner - a partner you love immensely and who loves you back in equal measure - can still mean it's not enough. i can only go back to John Friend's words - "You have to always be student to the Grand Artist, don’t think that you’re always in control. Trust." as my yoga practice teaches me, i remember to open to grace and to trust it.

i'm doing my best to be clinical about this, approaching the situation objectively and remembering to be kind to myself when sadness and guilt threaten to overcome. but one can only be so clinical to a point for how else can we treat matters of the heart.

and so i'm taking it one day at a time. my heart becomes light when i think of all the wonderful possibilities out there. i know that the one for me exists. i don't know who, how and when it's going to happen - i am but a co-creator in this whole spectacle. but one thing i do know is this - whoever that person may be, he's got some pretty big shoes to fill. and i'm glad, because whoever is up to the challenge can only mean it's the real thing.

the end of the day, i'm blessed to be on this journey, blessed to be taking it with such amazing beings. i see how things have slowly fallen into place... how i came to be on this island, how i found my heart's calling, why i'm doing the thing i love that it hardly feels like work. like two dear friends said - i must approach my edge gently & with awareness - and all is coming. it's time to surrender what belonged to the past. my heart is grateful to know that i had it once, and that it was beautiful.

taking chances

one of the things i love most in this world is my husband's laughter. how it shakes the air around me and makes all the happy bubbles inside me pop. it's astonishing the way you see these things when you're letting someone go. how the littlest things you've always known and loved are highlighted in this moment.

what makes me stay and what makes me go? i've asked this one before and came up with only silence for an answer. but now i've come to a better understanding of my own truths. love and fear made me stay, and it is also love and fear that force me to go out and continue the search. this is why i had always been so conflicted. i had always taken into account the pros & cons; the good & bad. aware of both sides without fully risking and banking on just the pros, refusing to place my highest bets on only the good. i had allowed myself to settle, not for less, but for that fine balance between the two. it is in this space where i managed to find myself trapped; and consequently it is also in this same space where i realized that it was I who had given my own freedom away.

Lao Tzu has said "being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." it is in the way that my husband loves me have i found the strength to conquer the fear that has plagued me for years. it is my love for him that gives me the courage to brave that great unknown and to meet it with open arms. i may be crazy for wanting more when what i have is even greater than what others can only hope for - a deeply loving partner, a man i love taking care of, someone who respects me and treats me equally, someone who makes life very comfortable for me... and yet with all these there is still something that I am missing. i know there is more for both of us out there that we're not claiming by choosing to stay together and this truth hurts like a knife in my heart. but his capacity to understand and ability to keep an open mind tell me that i'm on the right track somehow. his love humbles me and his grace, his immense gracefulness leaves me breathless.

i'm fully aware that my own actions have led me to this place. i had decided on some very big things with a heavy heart. looking back i see a girl shrouded in so much sadness, a veil so thick that she wore it like her skin. in spite of my happy childhood i've always sensed this energy around me - this strange affinity for sad music & poetry, the way i'm only attracted to books and stories with sad endings and this constant recognition of the word, thought & feeling in every street corner. i've been cutting through this skin for years, a painful yet deeply rewarding process of peeling layer after layer. how many lifetimes have i had this - i really don't know. what i do know is i can stop it. sadness is no longer a destination in my book. i know i deserve to be happy - and that's the skin i want to shine through.

in yoga when we find ourselves in a pose that hurts us, more often than not it's caused by a misalignment in our bodies. the same is true for our souls. when something is causing us to suffer, chances are the decision that led us to that suffering wasn't aligned with our hearts' deepest desire. i know that this is what i'm missing, that which i've been working on since i started on this path. thus i'm learning to align my self in ways that can only be good for me - i'm creating new habits, listening to the voice within and constantly choosing better. because now I Know i want to find that place of goodness for my self, to complete what's long been missing and to finally take that chance at being truly happy.

the gift

more often than not, i had taken the baby steps approach whenever i'm working towards something. i believed that by getting my feet wet more often then the chances of swimming out to the deeper end of the sea becomes bigger. however my yoga practice is teaching me to do things differently... that in order to build my strength then i have to change my body - and that takes a lot of courage. it's a scary thing to finally be standing on your head and your hands when you're so used to keeping your feet on the ground. it's scary to do it in the middle of the room when you'd rather have the wall against your back. it makes me examine my life and look at all the existing walls that i've kept and refused to let go. i know that something in my life has to change and no one else can do it save for myself... and there's no baby stepping around that.

now each time i get on my mat and practice lifting myself up, i change my fearful habits and learn to ground myself in all the right ways. i also know i'm creating changes within me. because it's true, insanity is indeed doing the same things over and over again then expecting different results. i mean i may be crazy for wanting to stand on my hands and have my feet up in the air (welcome to our world!) but i'm not that kind of crazy who wants to beat herself up doing the exact same thing and just praying that it will turn out differently.

a year ago i would have gone to the extremes making sure that everything in my life has to work. but i've learned the hard way that if i try to control everything and everyone, i end up losing control of my self. and so i've learned to give grace more space to breathe. i've learned to trust it more and to take my sights away from the end goal. because now i know what will be is a bonus and that what is is the real prize. the process of becoming is such a gift and i am grateful for it.

everyday miracles

the most random things tug at my heartstrings. take for example at 9:00 pm not too many nights ago, a couple walks in the restaurant where i was having a bowl of steaming pho. one of the staff quickly gives them the sorry news that they've closed. the look on their faces told me that they've tried their luck at the one beside and the one across and probably a few other places before that. yet their eyes mirrored a sadness that far outweighed their dinner situation. i didn't know these two people and i had no idea what they did for a living what they're like or where they're from. they were ordinary middle class citizens like any other, the type you wouldn't give a second glance if you pass them on the street. but on that night for some strange reason, something inside me stirred and i felt a gentle tightness in my chest that threatened to move up my throat and into my tear ducts. i know it sounds silly but for a split-second there i felt it. this sensation that these two strangers were burdened in some way, that the only thing that can provide temporary ease was a place to sit down and a hot meal to tell them that they've made it through the day.

i get these sudden bursts of compassion in the most unexpected moments and for people i haven't even met. it makes me wonder why it is sometimes harder for us to be compassionate to the ones we know. it amazes me how easy it is to see and even understand when we don't let what we know get in the way.

by the sea

there is something in the air that tells me this season is coming to a close. i feel a transition is on it's way. i sense the monsoon may soon end and the winds from the east will start to blow. i look around me and i wonder if the people on the beach sense it too. i wonder because living by the sea was what brought me to a better understanding of how it works. as though a switch was turned on and suddenly i had this personal relationship with nature. i started seeing the connection. and there it was - the more i found out about the world i lived in, the more i learned about myself.

i believe that once we understand this connection we are brought to a better place and then we begin to see our sameness in the midst of all our differences. we can all take some comfort from that. this whole thing becomes less intimidating knowing we're not on our own and the realm of possibility moves within our reach. i wish we can all start to develop compassion for ourselves, then maybe, just maybe, we begin to give up searching and start seeing what's already growing inside us.


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Listening to: Nada Surf - Always Love

looking back

los angeles, winter 2009





i wish i had taken more photos of l.a.. this lack may have been because of the fact that i didn't do much walking and exploring while we were there. or maybe because my only intention in going was to see my seafaring little sister who was docking at long beach for the day. looking back i realize there is an oldness to the place that i find unexpected and charming. authentic 50's diners... sweet carousels... record stores... the santa monica pier that conjures stories from old storybooks.

and i truly wish i had taken more photos of that.


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Listening to: Death Cab For Cutie - Grapevine Fires

there'll be sun sun sun

Oh well in five years time we could be walking round a zoo
With the sun shining down over me and you
And there’ll be love in the bodies of the elephants too
And I’ll put my hands over your eyes, but you’ll peep through

And there’ll be sun sun sun
All over our bodies
And sun sun sun
All down our necks
And sun sun sun
All over our faces
And sun sun sun

So what the heck

Oh well I look at you and say
It’s the happiest that I’ve ever been
And I’ll say I no longer feel I have to be James Dean
And she’ll say
Yah well I feel all pretty happy too
And I’m always pretty happy when I’m just kicking back with you

And it’ll be
Love love love
All through our bodies
And love love love
All through our minds
And it be Love love love
All over her face
And Love love love
All over mine

The sun is back once again and these past few days have been filled with much island love. 5 Years Time by Noah & The Whale is my song of the moment. Everything about it reflects what feels good for me right now.

Five years time
I might not know you
Five years time
We might not speak
Oh in five years time
We might not get along
In five years time
You might just prove me wrong

have a listen!

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Listening to: Noah And The Whale - 5 Years Time

i wonder

i woke up this morning with a dream... and this song in my head.

a tug in my heart tells me i'm missing something.

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Listening to: The Weepies - Gotta Have You

missing summer

it's been cloudy & gray these past few days. only less than a week ago, a terrible storm hit the country and left hundreds of thousands of my countrymen homeless. most of them are still living in shelters while some are still stranded in flooded areas; we haven't recovered from it and already another storm is on its way.

it is in moments like this when i long for summer. when all the wind can blow is a feather. when days are light and hearts are carefree.

what do you miss?

london calling

inspired by victoria smith's sunday in the city series, these two part photographs also called diptychs feature some of my favorite shots of the city.

summer of 2009.

possibilities

untitled by marcio nakamura

the most amazing thing about traveling is the way your life expands right in front of you. the way possibilities seem to grow each day in ways that were never presented to you before. it's surprising how the idea of reinventing yourself or following a long forgotten dream seems so easy. that the simple act of placing yourself in a strange land gives you a new badge of courage to dream beyond life as you know it.

this is how travel lures me out of my shell. it makes me think of other possibilities, like becoming a traveling yoga teacher, learning to speak a new language or more than once, being with someone else. not too long ago i've decided that this seed of unrest and dissatisfaction is not due to the lingering doubt of my marriage. i look around and i see how everything is perfectly as it should be. so i've chosen to observe this seed and to use my better judgment and my recent experiences before riding on the next wave of energy that would lead me to another karmic attraction. simply because i've been there and there isn't where the answer lies. it has got to be in me.

what makes me smile though is meeting someone who's also on the same path as i am. someone who's in fact further down the road, who's devoted his life pursuing his love for yoga. i admire this devotion that mirrors my own. i admire his courageous life and as i write this i realize i too have this courage. anybody who's ever followed his and her heart's calling has it and it's such a beautiful thing. it inspires me because they exist - that real testosterone driven men love yoga & live for it. it just makes me happy.

i do wonder what it feels to have a partner who's also on the same path. i used to wish for one. maybe i still do... but i have learned that everything is exactly as it should be and life is complete. so i open myself to grace. maybe i'm still not seeing the bigger picture. maybe the way that my husband loves me and accepts me for who i am and what i do is being on the same path somehow. all i know is that the more i open myself to grace, my will becomes aligned with that of the universe. and for today, that is all i need to know.

recognition

growing up i used to watch other kids with envy as they bend their backs over, dropping back effortlessly on their hands and doing other cool tricks like splitting in the air. so when i discovered yoga four years ago, it was only natural that i zeroed in on my flexibility. it wasn't an easy task but getting there was a colorful ride. i learned to stretch and twist in ways i've never thought possible for me. i started out with my fingers barely touching my toes in paschimothanasana (seated forward bend). now after three years of reaching i can finally bring my chest to my thighs AND have my fingers securely wrapped around my feet.

however i soon learn that flexibility is one thing and strength is another. on this path i've chosen to take, i realized i needed to build my strength too. while i've seen progress through practice, it is only in these first four days of anusara workshop that i'm truly beginning to understand how to build my own strength by remembering my power first. that i work from inside out. as my teacher talks about today's theme, power of self, i recognize that i had given mine away. whenever i acknowledged pain in my body i had turned it into a self-limiting obstacle that prevented me to go deeper into the pose. anusara is teaching me to take that power back and as i do, through my teachers' guidance, i feel my back strengthening. with my back strong, these rounded shoulders which have caused me pain time and again begin to open. i feel my heart lifting and a surge of ecstatic defiance overwhelms and humbles me. the realization that i have crossed my own personal boundary moves me to tears and empowers me all at once. as i bend backwards, i open myself to a million beautiful possibilities.

it comes to me how boundless we really are. i'm reminded how each limitation is self-inflicted and as we go through the beautiful process of transformation, we go back to remembering who we are. i bask in the warmth of this recognition. lying in savasana with the sublime kirtan music in the air, i realize i don't need to float far away to look for my happy place. i've found it here, on the mat, within the person i've become.

the search

there are days that seem more beautiful than others. when mornings begin with yoga and ease into afternoons surfing on the beach. but it's been weeks when the days have fallen into this pattern. it's a strange monsoon that has brought waves on the island. surfing until the skies turn pink has become an almost natural thing. it's quite hard to beat the high you get from your very own backyard. then the feeling of coming home to a house filled with great friends preparing a home-cooked meal is priceless; sharing a conversation under a full moonlit sky or a bottle of wine on a rainy night. this has become my life. how long ago was it when i felt so lost while dreaming and searching for la dolce vita? when i thought i could find it if i could only get away from here (here being the philippines). that time in my life seems far away now yet never too distant to stop me from remembering. a line i've read many times before comes to mind. "it is always ourselves we find in the search".

i am thankful that i can still see it clearly. that each detail from all my yesterdays is a vivid reminder of the journey that has brought me to where i am today, blissfully living what i've sought so hard to find. carrying it with me wherever i go. finding it here especially, on this island i call home. my own personal dolce vita.

suddenly now, I know where I belong

bonjour paris.

arrived a few minutes ago, checked in our little hotel on Rue Cambon, right next to Chanel's first boutique! skipped and hopped and danced my way around this precious room. a tiny space with pink flowers outside my huge french windows overlooking the street. my smile is a mile wide since stepping out of the train station. i am assaulted by everything french: street signs, cafes, french windows, french doors, french men!

it's like love at first sight all over again. oh it is good to be back.




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Now playing: Ben Gibbard & Feist - Train Song
via FoxyTunes

let me take you down

i am loving london at night. it's a heady mix of ancient and modern europe. rows of victorian and edwardian buildings, big grassy parks and silent black statues glow dimly against the city's hushed yellow lights, like secrets from a remembered past. there is a sense of quiet ownership that can be felt as londoners walk their streets. roads are congested like any other cosmopolitan area, however with black hackney carriages that reflect the city's endless tribute to tradition. the pubs live on and music is given a huge venue to showcase true artistic freedom with an audience to match. the next big thing is born here. indie rock bands and folk singers perform in basements with the same underlying confidence that is reflected in brilliant song writing. while the stages in broadway have gone bigger and flashier, london has chosen to keep its small and cramped theatres, some dating at least a hundred years old. even neon signs don't seem too glaring against brick masonry walls. it is a delicate balance not every place with as much history can easily achieve. as i witness this nocturnal flow of life, i get the message that london isn't for everyone. you don't choose the city, it chooses you. on the surface it's clearly not a place that an island girl like myself would choose to live in. yet i find myself drawn to its mystery. to the grayness punctuated with short episodes of sunshine, to its dry humour, its lack of outstanding local cuisine and wealth of international dining places, and to the percentage of the population that can do smart and funny as only the british can. and for a moment, i find myself wondering, considering maybe i can live here, even for a little while.

then the wind starts to get ice-cold and it snaps me out of my reverie. blimey, it's that irresistible british accent that's to blame for all this daydreaming.



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Now playing: The Beatles - Strawberry Fields Forever
via FoxyTunes

another rainy day

the wind howls as i write.

i woke up at 5:30 this morning to the sound of shrieking babies, or so i thought. it was the wind, blowing through rooftops and coconut trees, having a field day with the torrential rain. i tried to go back to sleep but the noises have invaded the space under my covers. alone in the dark with no one to find comfort with, i began to feel scared. the memory of that terrifying typhoon that ravaged the island from 2 years ago was far too fresh on my mind. in an effort to do something about it i began packing things into my waterproof satchel: money, a yellow sarong, a change of clothes, house keys, a jacket and an ipod. i started to wonder about food, realizing i have nothing but fresh items in my fridge. i can't even remember the last time i ate something out of a can. i look around and i see all the other things i thought i should bring: books, my laptop, my journals, dresses i haven't worn, a towel and so many other random stuff. in my effort to live simply, i had still managed to become such a consumer. knowing what i've always known, there really is nothing much you can bring with you when push comes to shove. in the end i threw in my phone charger and flashlight, knowing that these too wouldn't last me for long.

i decide to make myself breakfast. it's 7:30 am after all. i had been awake for two hours. while munching on buttered raisin toast and looking at the rain through my glass windows, i find myself listening to the local radio station; to its barrage of provincial ads, catchy radio jingles as only a small town station can and a string of announcements in an attempted american english twang. then comes the disc jockey, armed with his usual self-assured humor, bursting through the rain like a dose of unconventional sunshine. the jokes are bad and a tad mean, but i find myself laughing my stormy heart out. it is relief that washes over me. relief that in spite of gloomy skies and howling winds, someone is going about his day as usual and not packing an impromptu emergency bag. relief that pushes away thoughts converting back to canned food and raiding the shelves of the nearest supermarket. because it is such a relief to be reminded that even in the midst of a raging storm, life goes on.


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Now playing: A. R. Rahman & Suzanne - Latika's Theme
via FoxyTunes

wear some flowers in your hair

i did not leave my heart in san francisco...




but now and then, i find myself thinking of it.

through the looking glass

it's been raining these last two days. i look past my glass window and stare at the grass, how green it's become. the wind blows and i stand sheltered inside my home. i see myself and this life i've built, how strange it feels to be momentarily away from it.

i used to spend more hours outside. where my feet can draw circles in the sand while my skin grows damp from the cold habagat wind.

i do not forget that i am here, on this island where i've come to know myself again. and yet is there something else that i'm missing? i keep staring through the glass and i wonder.

the grass spreads itself slowly in the garden where i refused to plant anything but herbs and vegetables. i see the wet earth, it's brownness gleaming from the rain. and i'm transported to a place and time i don't know where, don't know when. but it feels familiar, like a dream i can't seem to remember.

endless summer

yesterday we had the most wonderful photo shoot for the beachbaby. the sun shone, the rains came, there was laughter all around & the day ended with an amazing sunset on an almost deserted beach. it may soon be monsoon season, but for us beachbabies, summer lives on.

belonging

the funny thing about being home after traveling is how quickly every place else seems to be worlds away. how even the last destination fades quickly into motion, like a photographic blur. there is something disconcerting about knowing how the last place where you walked talked and lived only days before, could go on perfectly without you.

i have gone through all sorts of emotions while traveling. from the euphoric sense of being lost; the quiet peace that stems from knowing you are exactly where you're meant to be; to the momentary sense of alienation that disintegrates when you discover a strange familiarity in your new surroundings. but a new kind of emotion came to surface while i was traveling across north america. i found myself looking to belong.

i have always kept the wonder in me. it's what makes me see the world as i do. wherever i am, i know home is eventually a place i carry within. and so it comes to amaze me how on one wintery afternoon, i find myself taking this home right out of my heart and into my hands, wanting to place it down on solid ground.

it may be the fact that i have left my island exactly a year ago to go on a journey that required me to travel outside and within. while i haven't known any other place that has captured me intimately & immensely as this island has, i realize i am ready to sail on and leave its shores.

in all this wandering, i recognize elements of myself even in the most unfamiliar places. i pick them up one by one, as if puzzle pieces collected from my travels and because of this, i come back with a better picture of who i am.

the heart of a nomad. this tells me that i may never belong in one place. but as long as i know my self, then i'll never lose my way again.



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Now playing: Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson - Winter Song
via FoxyTunes

a very long engagement

what the heart imagines, life conjures. it is when pain does not numb the will to go on, nor kills the fire that burns in the coldest of nights. the inexplicable urge to hold on to something that keeps you alive even in its absence.

to find thyself is a very long engagement. to find the other half longer still. almost like memories that repeat itself through lifetimes, you see pieces of you in another and experience fleeting moments of perfection. isn't this what we all aim for? when we can finally be still, after running and walking and flying, have that one thing we were glad we fought for, see it through the light of the day and the dark of the night.


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Now playing: José González - Heartbeats
via FoxyTunes

unraveling

when big questions like "who am i", "what do i really want" surface, once in a while we come up with all these little answers that we're not sure what to make of. sometimes the heart whispers so gently we tend to not listen, completely ignoring the truths that come in small packages. but if we look at it like a treasure map, these little answers may very well be clues that lead us to the prize. after all, isn't life one big scavenger hunt? we get to the big answers when we start following the small ones. sometimes we need to get to the little treasures first.

i have learned to listen to these tiny voices in me. they have led me to the right places. and yet there are moments when i still find myself in the dark. when my fingers fail to trace the lines that should lead me to where i long to be. fear gets in the way and clouds my line of view. it reduces my heart's whispers to a blur. then i begin to see a familiar patch of sadness that spreads itself like butter over me. it is baffling how easy i yield to it sometimes, forgetting how far i've come. but faith steps in the most unexpected moments. in the form of a teacher, a stranger, a friend. or a page from a book. like a match that strikes a light inside us, we begin to see more clearly and we start to find our way once again.

yet i alone must decide what is best for me. i know this to be true. because even with my eyes closed i know where the lines lead to and i need to fulfill the irony that seems to inflict itself on everyone. how we all travel far and wide, scavenge and hunt in all the strange corners of this world, only to come back to the place within where the big answers reside. with my own hands i'll unravel myself, untie the threads that has kept my truths bound. and with one fine swift motion, set them free.


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Now playing: The Weepies - All That I Want
via FoxyTunes

once i was a flower child

i like walking in this neighbourhood. although there's little left from the summer of love, haight continues to breed and attract modern day hippies. it's easy to pass time when the street is filled with cafes, shops, music knick knacks & vintage stores. and speaking of vintage, i scored an electric blue cocktail dress from Wasteland for $16. how cool is that.

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Now playing: The Cure - Just Like Heaven
via FoxyTunes

we all have lists

a things-to-do-before-i-die list. a bucket list. blacklist. bluelist. well i have my own list when traveling to a different country. my top 3 travel musts where most, if not all, of my memorable and fascinating experiences stem from.

number 1. meet the people
number 2. taste the food
number 3. go to the supermarket

a colorful interaction with the locals say so much about the country i'm visiting. it is the people that make the place after all. street chow or a plate of fancy cuisine, more than the usual tourist attractions, reflect the country's unique culture and history. but a trip to the supermarket gives a peek to the everyday life that's almost hidden from the average traveler. the ordinariness that is normally overlooked when one is too focused on the places-i-have-to-see-in-this-country list. and so wherever my feet have taken me, from the prosciutto filled shops of italy to the spice scented stores of india, i have gladly indulged myself to these visits.

one sunny afternoon, somewhere in south san francisco, my happy feet took a stroll down to the grocery store. as soon as i stepped inside trader joe's, it was love at first visit.

if you haven't been inside any trader joe's, well let me tell you, almost everything inside is oozing with healthy goodness. organic ice cream to low sodium potato chips to strawberry yogurt covered cereals. and yes they taste really good.

i can spend hours walking down the aisles while i marvel at the assortment cheese and chocolates. in a land where everything is super-sized, here is a breath of fresh air. trader joe's has become my happy place.

as if that weren't enough, they make the cutest bags. as i've done the past 4 years, i brought my own. but since i shopped more than necessary, i was more than happy to purchase another one.

now excuse me as i prepare tonight's dinner ~ shrimp in thai red curry sauce and soyaki mixed vegetables.

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Now playing: Modern English - I Melt With You
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on the road again

three weeks of travel. four more to go. stories to tell. but for now, i'll let the pictures do the talking.

it dawns on me

it's not that i don't like the city. there are plenty of things to love about it. like street corners and old buildings. museums and ice cream parlours. neon lights and empty streets in the dead of the night. but not this city. try as i might to work out reasons to belong, i feel lost at the end of the day.

i miss my island and yet i don't feel the urge to go running back in order to belong. it is this strange feeling which fascinates & comforts me, knowing i have found home at last. but being here, in this city, i feel a displacement of sorts. there are people here that i truly love and yet there is nothing here for my soul.

is this what it means to have the heart of a nomad?

the kindness of strangers

is an odd, baffling and heartwarming thing. it is also something i have not felt in recent weeks. i must be getting spoiled. it's a strange feeling to miss.

i am half asleep as i think this, half awake as i write. but i am getting off the bed for a quick minute as i remember that glorious fish masala in the pot. that certainly needs to be put in the fridge for further consumption.

the moon is halfway across the indigo sky. and here i am still thinking about food.

when in manila

leave.

i have always felt that manila's this huge airport terminal. like i'm forever in transit when i'm in this city, wordlessly seeing other travelers pass me by as i wait for the next journey. so it's no big surprise that in 3 whole weeks (3 days were spent in la union/5 days in hk/another 3 days in la union) i was actually out if it half the time. though i have grown from tolerating to liking it (and even enjoying certain parts of it), how can i, a natural born beachbaby, say no to, well, the beach.

so off to la union we went where the waves beckoned.

top to bottom: LOVE my rvca boardshorts; wave watching; surf happy; clockwise: after the surf; the making of a big bad bruise; an attempt to mimic the gangsta surfer; surfmaid's "garage"

though i brought my waterproof cam that weekend, there were none of those photos of us surfing. why? because everyone was in the water surfing their brains out.

what better way to end this surf trip than riding off into the sunset.